… that Fo0d Netw0rk doesn’t have any teenaged-boy hosts.

Tonight Kiddo was telling me about this ‘really delicious’ salad he’d had at school for lunch, an oriental chicken salad.

"It was really good, Mom! It had chunks of chicken and a honey-mustard sauce, and was topped with those little crouton thingys that aren’t really croutons, ya know?"

"Croutons that aren’t croutons?"

"Yeah, ya know, those little, brown, fish poop-lookin’ things?"

"FISH POOP?"

"Yuh-huh. They’re brown, and short, and round, and crunchy… you know, like what we have on Hawaiian Haystacks."

"Oooohhhh… you mean chow mein noodles?"

"Yeah. I guess. The fish poop noodles."

O Monday, why dost thou hateth me so? Let me count the ways…

Thou didst cause my third child, yea, mine only daughter, to sleep later than wast prudent, and thus didst cause her to miss the school bus, and thus didst she exclaim, "Aw, crap! Why does the bus have to come so flippin early?"

Thou didst cause mine shopping cart to have a wonky wheel, and verily I believeth that thou also didst possess the brain of mine youngest child, so as to make him protest sitting in the cart and demandeth to walk, whilst holding on to the cart instead. And truly, the combination thereof was bad, and truly one or the other didst cause the edge of the cart to bump the edge of a cardboard display box. I believe thou dost must delighteth in the game of dominoes, and that is why the first display of Jello boxes didst tip over, and hit the second display of Jello boxes, which tippeth over and hit the array of boxes of tea, yea, of which all verily didst tip over. Thou also didst cause mine youngest child to loudly proclaim, "Mommy! You made a big mess! Sih-wee Mommy!"

Thou didst cause me to stubbeth mine little toe on the chair, yea, hard enough to crack mine toenail.

Thou didst also cause me to poke mine finger on the very pointy corner of the extra box of dish detergent, breaking through one layer of mine skin.

Thou didst still possess the brain of mine youngest child and didst cause him to loudly protest the wearing of pants. When I did prevail and putteth clothes on him, thou didst arrange for him to become poopy, so as to cause me to removeth his pants and start all over again.

Thou causeth all communications from prospective employers for mine husband to be negative.

Thou didst make mine children, yea, all of them, to be exceedingly whiny and noisy whilst I was fixing dinner. Thus, thou didst convince me to listen to mine mp3 player and wear earbuds to block out the noise. Then, thou didst somehow catch the cord to mine ear buds and causeth one to fall into the batter I wast preparing, yea, even the chocolate cake batter that I wast still beating with an electric mixer. When the fear of the ear bud getting caught in the mixer did make itself known to me, I didst yank the ear bud out of the batter; then truly thou didst cause the batter-splattered ear bud to smack across mine cheek and mine shirt, thus soiling them both.

Thou didst cause, for unknown reasons, all the breading to falleth off the chicken as I made it; truly, thou didst cause mine skillet to be full of naked chicken chunks and bits of browned breading. Also, thou didst cause mine sauce to be exceedingly oily.

Thou didst cause all of these things to happen to me today.

Truly, Monday, what didst I ever do to thee?

Aside from writing really bad odes, that is?

It’s been a while since I posted any Sweet Girl stuff. So may I present some of her writings that totally crack me up:

In case you can’t read it… it says: "I’m sorry, but we’re closed. Plese look at the foloing things" and beneath the drawing it says, "side viue of air-plane" and "wing viue", "rite" and "left" along with the appropriate drawings. I’m not sure who was closed, but I’m sure glad they left such detailed plans for their plane.

A page from her diary. "Deer Direy, My dream is to be a qween someday. But - to muth work! Farewell, Direy. See you soon." Yes, being a queen would be draining, I’m sure.

We went to the fair last weekend and she won these two bears. She picked the one on the right because "it’s soooo shiny!" I thought it was pretty cool, with a clock in its tummy and everything… until I looked a little more closely at the tag in its ear.

Yes, that does say "Millennium Countdown Bears" on a shiny background of 2000. But wait, there’s more.

"Razzle’s glitter sure does shine.
I’m so glad that he is mine.
With his clock he does his part.
To help count down the new year’s start!"

I’m sure he’ll come in handy this year… too bad that clock of his doesn’t work more than 8 YEARS after manufacture.

And yes, Sweet Girl finally started kindergarten this week.

So far, she’s been awfully bored. We’ll have to see how the year goes…

Some of my friends are so creative that they have entire blogs dedicated to their creative pursuits. Me, not so much. I did have a creative streak earlier this month, though. My sister and I hosted a baby shower for my niece and I made the cake (my much more talented sister made all the fabulous food). After seeing how cutely pregnant my niece is, I asked if she’d let me play around with my camera and take some maternity photos of her. So between those two tasks, my creativity is used up for a while, but I thought I’d show how they turned out anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK, so I know I’m not the world’s greatest cook, but, still, I didn’t think I was *that* bad…

I was eating lunch today while Kiddo and Munchkin were in the next room playing xbox. Suddenly Kiddo turned around and said, "Is that tuna fish?" I glanced up and said, "What?!" Kiddo repeated - "what are you eating - is that tuna fish?" I looked down at the bowl in front of me, then back to Kiddo, and slowly said, "Nooo… it’s Captain Crunch!"